Cancer Dance

New Year’s Eve is tomorrow. Ahead is a year unknown. Unknown for everyone, of course, but “life or death” unknown for me. I struggle with fear. My myeloma is rapidly progressing and I am trying desperately to get into a clinical trial. I don’t qualify because my blood counts, specifically my platelets, are too low. The myeloma has crowded out my healthy blood cells. So… new treatment plan.

On Dec 26th, the day after Christmas, I started a combination of Elotuzumab, Pomalyst, and Dex. It started well enough, but soon sent me to the ER with a high fever. I came home, but went back the next day for shortness of breath and numbness of my tongue! of all things! I come home. I figure out the Pomalyst is causing the shortness of breath. We will most likely adjust the dose and move on and hope that I can continue the treatment.

I think when you are living with an incurable cancer you think of life in terms of “normal” days and sick days. Days when you can do the laundry, dishes, school pick-ups, and our weekly routines are “normal”. And then there are the sick days: the Dr visits, infusions, ER trips, times of being in bed A LOT. Life is good when you have more normal than sick days. And that’s how it has been until recently. But now, the balance is shifting, and I am having more sick days. I am entering another period of fighting through treatments and side effects and…fear. Fear for the future, for the year ahead.

So, I want to share some reflections about fear and hope… and faith…from someone who is IN it!!!

It seems to me I have moments of incredible hope for the future. Hope of new treatments coming out all of the time, or clinical trial, or best of all, hope for a miraculous healing. And other times I can feel the fear of the unknown, of not getting another remission or of complications in treatment. My mind goes from one extreme to another. I rock back and forth– fear and hope, hope and fear. But here’s the thing that is my foundation, whether in hope or in fear, I am not alone. I have Jesus with me. I am learning how to live in this unknown future, to embrace it like a slow dance moving me back and forth in the arms of my Savior – hope and fear – “I got you”, he whispers. Fear and hope –“I am leading you”. My easiest moments are when I can just put my head on his chest and let him lead me and hold me as we sway back and forth, together in this cancer dance.

More and more, I see the love of God, in the oneness of the Holy Spirit – which is Christ in me. He can be no closer. And the phrase, “I am my beloved, and he is mine” is a deepening truth in which to rest even when life is hard and a struggle.

How often I have wanted things to go back to normal. How silly it is though, to think “normal” means healthy, wealthy and in good cheer. This just is NOT normal for the state of human life across the globe. Millions of people are suffering hunger, war, illness, abuse, poverty and struggle. THIS is normal too. This is as much a “normal” part of the experience of being human as any other thing.

So my new normal is joy and fear and faith and love and struggle and peace and ALL of the emotions of being human. Isn’t that all of us? We are these complex people going through our complex lives with complex feelings. And yet with Christ – all things are possible. There is hope for now and hope for eternity. There is the assurance of his love in all circumstances and a peace that is beyond understanding. So yeah, a bit of “normal” and a bit of supernatural…because I am not dancing alone.

I Am: The Resurrection and the Life

I am the resurrection and life. Whoever believes in me , though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. John 11: 25-26

This verse is in the middle of a story, which begins when Jesus receives word from Mary and Martha that Lazarus is sick, saying “Lord, the one who you love is ill.” Hearing this news, Jesus does something unexpected…he waits. He WAITS! He tells us why; “This sickness does not end in death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.” He knows that he will raise Lazarus from the dead. He knows that it will result in praise and faith and goodness to all, but there is this hard part BEFORE all of that. There is the waiting and the inbetween. Lazarus dies.

It is clear in the text that Martha, Mary and Lazarus are close friends and disciples of Jesus. They love each other. But in the hour of their greatest need, Jesus does not come to them. He waits and when he finally comes on the scene Lazarus has been dead and buried for four days! Martha and Mary are in deep mourning. They are crying their tears of loss over their brother. It is in this grief and loss that Jesus enters and seeks out the two sisters. He engages them each so personally and individually.

Martha, who I always felt like has been compared unfavorably to Mary, comes to Jesus with such hope and faith. “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.” Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”

I can almost sense in this exchange that these words of a future hope in heaven has been repeated as words of comfort to Martha from those around her. How flat they must sound when you are feeling the acute grief of losing a loved one. Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.”

But then hope! Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and life. Whoever believes in me , though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” She said to him, “Yes, Lord; I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the word.” Jesus gives Martha hope and builds her faith in his unique power over life and death.

With Mary, there is a different response to the same question. “Lord, if you had been here my brother would not have died.” When he saw her weeping and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved and greatly troubled. Jesus wept. With Mary he felt WITH her. He was sad with her. He cried WITH her. Even knowing he was about to do a miracle, he grieved with her. How much more is he grieving with us who do not see the miraculous resurrection? Those of us who have to wait to be reunited with loved ones who pass too soon?

And here is the thing, the people around Jesus said two things we might hear today. Two different responses to his presence: “See how he loved him!” and “Could he have not kept this man from dying?”. One response sees Jesus’ love as he cries and weeps with the mourning and the other response demands what love looks like: Love means saving and rescuing because he can, whenever he can!

Jesus does save Lazarus. He is taken to the tomb. The tombstone is rolled away. Jesus prays and then calls in a loud voice: Lazarus come out! The man who died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with cloth. Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.” Many there believed in him!

Can you imagine the joy that Martha and Mary must have felt!?! There was rejoicing and praise and God was glorified just as Jesus said he would be as a result of his waiting. But let’s not skip over the in between too quickly. Martha, Mary and Lazarus suffered! And so do we. We do not get to skip over the pains and suffering in our lives. Sometimes we may see miracles. Sometimes we may see how things are working together for God’s glory. And sometimes we may not. What we can be confident of is this: God is with us in all things. He never leaves us or forsakes us. And he DOES have the power of the resurrection! We may see that resurrection power on earth in answered prayer, miraculous healing, and we may rejoice. And if not now, we have a hope in another resurrection. It is the hope of eternal life. “Though he die, yet shall he live .” What Jesus is declaring in this “I AM” statement is this: hope of eternal life is in Him.

I Am: A King – The Christmas Story

“You are right in saying I am a king.” John 18:37

Kingship is an idea closely tied to the promised Jewish Messiah. The Messiah was a prophesied King from the line of David who would be an anointed High Priest and savior of the Jewish people. He would bring peace and prosperity and would usher in a Messianic Age. The concept of the Messiah is based in ancient Old Testament prophesy – prophesy which Jesus would fulfill – much of it in his birth – which makes Christmas the perfect time to think about his kingship.

Long ago the Messiah was prophesied by Isaiah.

The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel
(meaning “God with us”). Isaiah 7:14-15

and also…

For to us a child is born,
    to us a son is given;
and the government shall be upon his shoulder,
    and his name shall be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
 Of the increase of his government and of peace
    there will be no end,
on the throne of David and over his kingdom,
    to establish it and to uphold it
with justice and with righteousness
    from this time forth and forevermore.
 Isaiah 9:6-7

The Messiah was long awaited for by the Jewish people. So when the time came for this special, long desired child to be born – there were many signs and wonders – beginning with the Virgin birth.

God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee,to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”

Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus.He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.” Luke 1:26-33

And then Mary’s child would be born – not in pomp and circumstance, but in humility and meekness, accompanied by more signs and wonders. It is written in Luke 2:

In those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be registered. This was the first registration when Quirinius was governor of Syria.And all went to be registered, each to his own town. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the town of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and lineage of David, to be registered with Mary, his betrothed, who was with child.And while they were there, the time came for her to give birth. And she gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in swaddling cloths and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn.

And in the same region there were shepherds out in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with great fear. And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.” And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,

“Glory to God in the highest,
    and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!”

The Shepherd went and found the baby in the manger, just as the angels said they would. They shared the message from the angels: The Messiah is born! And here is a sign! It was not the only sign though. There was a star in the sky!

Now after Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king, behold, wise men from the east came to Jerusalem,saying, “Where is he who has been born king of the Jews? For we saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.” When Herod the king heard this, he was troubled, and all Jerusalem with him; and assembling all the chief priests and scribes of the people, he inquired of them where the Christ was to be born. They told him, “In Bethlehem of Judea, for so it is written by the prophet:

“‘And you, O Bethlehem, in the land of Judah,
    are by no means least among the rulers of Judah;
for from you shall come a ruler
    who will shepherd my people Israel.’”

Then Herod summoned the wise men secretly and ascertained from them what time the star had appeared.  And he sent them to Bethlehem, saying, “Go and search diligently for the child, and when you have found him, bring me word, that I too may come and worship him.” After listening to the king, they went on their way. And behold, the star that they had seen when it rose went before them until it came to rest over the place where the child was.  When they saw the star, they rejoiced exceedingly with great joy. And going into the house, they saw the child with Mary his mother, and they fell down and worshiped him. Then, opening their treasures, they offered him gifts, gold and frankincense and myrrh.  And being warned in a dream not to return to Herod, they departed to their own country by another way.

The Messiah being born, prophesy being fulfilled, is the joy of Christmas! It is the fulfillment of scripture that a Savior was born! A King! It is the hope for peace on earth and God’s kingdom reigning. But even as Jesus proclaims his kingship to Herod, he also declares, “My kingdom is not of this world. If my kingdom were of this world, my servants would have been fighting, that I might not be delivered over to the Jews. But my kingdom is not from the world.” He wasn’t meant to be King of a geographic area, but King of Heaven. The Messiah came to fulfill another prosephy as well:

But he was pierced for our transgressions;
    he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
    and with his wounds we are healed.

Jesus’s death on the cross as payment for sin was also predicted long ago. His work was done on the cross to defeat death and sin by the power of his resurrection! Jesus said, “I lay down my life that I may take it up again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again.” His authority is in his kingship. He proved his authority when he rose to life again. He was witnessed by over 500 people – wonder of wonders! The Messiah then returned to heaven to sit at the right hand of God. And the Messiah will return again as King of King and Lord of Lords! Amen.

I Am: The Good Shepherd

I am the good shepherd. John 10:11

I love studying the bible. I see new things and learn new things each time. The passage in John 10:1-18 is a rather long one to copy into this blog, so I would encourage you to read it for yourself. In it, Jesus uses the analogy of the Shepherd and The Gate to tell about himself. As we have been seeing throughout his teaching and ministry, he speaks in parables leaving his listeners the space to contemplate his meaning.

This passage of the Good Shepherd is so comforting to believers that I had always assumed that they were his audience. We find in these verses: “The sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.” “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” “I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father”. There are in these passage a sense of belonging and knowing and protecting and leading for those who follow Jesus, I did not pay as close attention to the words of warning and discernment which were spoken to his audience: The Pharisees.

You see this passage comes right after the healing of the blind man. You know the one who said, “I once was blind, but now I see.” He was questioned by the Pharisees about Jesus. They were confused and angry that the healing was done on a Sabbath, breaking their laws. It indicated that Jesus was a sinner, yet he healed, so by what power?

It was after the formerly blind man got kicked out of the Synagogue, that Jesus found him and resumed a conversation with him and the man worshipped Jesus. Then Jesus says something offensive which the Pharisees near them listening overheard. He said,  “For judgment I came into this world, that those who do not see may see, and those who see may become blind.” Some of the Pharisees near him heard these things, and said to him, “Are we also blind?” Jesus said to them, “If you were blind, you would have no guilt; but now that you say, ‘We see,’ your guilt remains.”

And THEN comes the parable of the Shepherd and the Gate. You see, so much of the passage of the Good Shepherd is in contrast to the dangerous elements around the sheep. There is the thief that tries to enter the sheepfold by a way other than the door. While the Shepherd uses the door. The gatekeeper opens the door because he is the true caretaker. And the sheep are his and he is caring for them. Jesus says he IS the door. He says “if anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go out to find pasture.”

I found it helpful to learn a little bit about this image from a time and place I am unfamiliar with. Apparently, it is at night that most predators would threaten the sheep. So, the shepherds would lead the sheep into a sheepfold to protect them. It was sometimes a cave or overhang that had been partially walled off, or a ring of stonework, which the sheep would be herded into at night. In any case, the wall would have a gap in it just big enough for the sheep to enter one by one and when all of the sheep were safe, the Shepherd would then sleep in the gap, blocking the entrance, protecting the sheep from predators, and thereby become the door or gate.

So, he continues, “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for his sheep. Then, again a contrast: He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep.

So the Good Shepherd is in contrast to the thief, the hired hand and the wolf. There is a warning that there is a difference in teachers and teaching…from the blind and those who see. And perhaps a warning to those who, because of their beliefs or traditions – in this case healing on the Sabbath, would lead people away from the work of God. And he sums up his work:

“I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep. And I have other sheep that are not of this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd. For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life that I may take it up again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This charge I have received from my Father.”

He knows he will die for his sheep. He knows he will do it to defend them from the enemy who comes to kill and destroy. He speaks to his mission of the cross AGAIN. He knows it, but in this passage we see also his authority to overcome death by his resurrection. That’s coming too!

I think today, maybe we don’t want to think of ourselves as sheep. We have heard the gullible, and mindless being called “sheeple”. Maybe this parable offends some? I think that while we may have intellect and experience and gifts of many kind, when it comes to dealing with our sin, with an enemy set against us, with many things out of our control, we are helpless. We need help – Jesus is uniquely able to be that help to us. He is able to provide us pastures, water, rest, protection, and ultimately: life. That’s the Good Shepherd.

Finally, I thought you might enjoy this little video of the Shepherd calling his Sheep. “The sheep follow him, for they know his voice.” John 10:4

I Am: The Bread of Life

“I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger. And whoever believes in me shall never thirst.”
(John 6:35; This discussion is based on all of John 6)

Jesus has been speaking and teaching to the crowds around the Sea of Galilee. A large crowd was following him because of his miraculous healings and they were bringing their sick to him. They were with him in the wilderness on the Passover, but they had no bread. It was then that he miraculously provided bread and fish for the crowd. The crowd loved it and wanted to make him their king. Instead Jesus escaped to the other side of the Sea by walking on water. In the first 3 paragraphs of John 6, we see three miracles: Miraculous healings, miraculous provision, and Jesus walking on water.

The crowd follows him to the other side of the Sea, pursuing him. Jesus looks into the situation and says, you are not following me because of the miracles (which point to God) but because you got your bellies full and you see me as the solution to Roman rule by making me king. He is calling them to something else. Ok, if it’s not about that stuff, they ask Jesus: What must we do, to be doing the works of God?  

He answers: This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent.

And here it goes haywire. They actually start bargaining! “Ok, we’ll believe you if you give us a sign. Afterall, Moses gave us manna in the wilderness.” Are you kidding me??? They just ate from the miraculous multiplication of the bread YESTERDAY! Now they want another sign to believe! I always think this interesting, because some people think that if they could see Jesus, they would believe. Or, if they saw a miracle they would believe in him. But the truth is, there is more going on in faith and doubt than how we come to believe any other thing. In most things we think that if just had the evidence our views would get in line with the tangible truth we can see and touch. But it doesn’t work like that in matters of faith. In fact several times in this passage Jesus talks about it taking an act of God the Father to understand and have faith. Not only that, but there are passages about the Devil blinding people from seeing. For our part, we just need to understand that faith is discerned by the Spirit, not in and by our will but by the grace of God. As believers we need to watch our pride in this area. We should not feel puffed up or better than people who do not share our beliefs. It is God who gives light to see.

So Jesus begins this dialogue in which he says he himself is like the manna from heaven. He came to quench a spiritual hunger and thirst. He came to feed us and give us eternal life. “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger. And whoever believes in me shall never thirst.”(v35)

Again, they could not take in what he was saying. They said, “this is Joseph’s son” he didn’t come from heaven. So Jesus repeats the analogy, adding to it in the most bizarre of ways. He declares:

“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him. As the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so whoever feeds on me, he also will live because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven, not like the bread the fathers ate, and died. Whoever feeds on this bread will live forever.”

Not the kind of message that draws people a leader! It was, we can see in hindsight, a prediction of his ordinance of communion, which would signify his death on the cross. His disciples got it right when they said, “This is a hard saying, who can listen to it.”

We want to understand. We want our plans. We want the coronation, not the cross. But Jesus came not to glorify himself, but in humility. He came as a sacrifice for us. In “the bread of life” metaphor, his body is offered up on the cross and we see his nature so clearly. He is the servant, following his Father’s plan. Jesus saw where he was headed. He knew. He went willingly into death for our life. You may read this and not understand. Not quite get it. Can I ask that you stick with me. Stick with engaging in these ideas. Jesus said, these “words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life.” That’s what we are trying to get at in this series. What did Jesus say about himself? We need to come to him on his terms, even if it is hard or we have questions or don’t understand or want to argue a point. Ok, fine, but let’s take Jesus at his word. The “bread of life”, is his promise of the coming cross so that we would have eternal life and the remembrance of his sacrifice and God’s new promise!

And he took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” And likewise the cup after they had eaten, saying, “This cup that is poured out for you is the new covenant in my blood.” Luke 22:19-20

I Am: The Light of the World

“I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

Today, December 1, marks the beginning of advent – the time of preparation for remembering and celebrating the birth of Jesus. It seems appropriate to me to think on his declaration that he is “the light of the world” since Isaiah’s prophesy of Jesus’ birth begins with the words:
The people who walked in darkness
    have seen a great light;
those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness,
    on them has light shone. Isaiah 9:2

And leads to the more familiar Christmas scripture:

For to us a child is born,
    to us a son is given;
and the government shall be upon his shoulder,
    and his name shall be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. (9:6)

So cool that these prophesies were made 100s of years before Christ was born. Light and dark are themes all through the bible from Genesis (“Let there be light.”) to Revelations (And the city has no need of sun or moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and its lamp is the Lamb.)

Light is a description of God’s character and nature. “God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.” (1 John 1:5) It is a metaphor for life, goodness, holiness, and purity. Interestingly, almost every time the bible mentions “light” it is contrasted with darkness in the very same scripture or the idea of “walking in darkness”.

I remember one time as a girl, traveling with my cousins on vacation. I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom in the hotel room were all sharing. It was pitch black and I had a sense of urgency! As I quickly jumped out of bed and turned to get to the bathroom, I misjudged where the wall ended and smacked myself in the face – hard! Thud! I was so embarrassed! I was using my best judgement to get around, but I wasn’t able to get where I was going without a whole lot of pain and awkwardness! You probably have your own memory or experience of being in the dark. Maybe you think of feeling along a wall with your hands or groping through a junk drawer looking for your flashlight. Whatever the memory, I think we can likely agree that being in the dark might be fun if we are choosing the time and place and situation, but when it chooses us – we want our flashlights out and batteries working.

So we have this idea of darkness – of feeling vulnerable, uncertain, and stumbling. Then enters Jesus – the light. His character is life and goodness. It is the nature of God with us which dispels the dark. We are not alone. He says, “Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” Some might like to say, “Why Jesus? Why do we have to follow Jesus?” We don’t. He gives us a choice. He IS saying he is the light in darkness. So we have the option of going our own way, but if we want to “see” we need to stay near the light source and follow him.

So to wrap up, let’s jump back to our Christmas verse! He(Christ) is called “Wonderful Counselor”, “Mighty God”, “Everlasting Father”, and “Prince of Peace”. That’s who is the light.

Rabbi (which means Teacher) – The Jesus Everyone Can Accept

“You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am.” John 13:13

            That Jesus is a teacher is perhaps the least disputable claim about himself he ever made. Even today, most people will recognize that Jesus was a great teacher. Even from a young age, Jesus was known to have unusual understanding of the Scriptures. As a boy, he became separated from his parents on a family trip to Jerusalem. Mary and Joseph couldn’t find him! Imagine how scared they must have been to be searching for him for three days!

When they couldn’t find him, they went back to Jerusalem to search for him there. Three days later they finally discovered him in the Temple, sitting among the religious teachers, listening to them and asking questions.  All who heard him were amazed at his understanding and his answers. Luke 2:45-47

In his child-like thinking, he couldn’t understand why his parents didn’t know where he was. “Didn’t you know I was in my Father’s house?”, he would ask.

He grew into adulthood living what must have been a quiet, respectable life in Galilee, probably not that different than the community around him. Until he came to John the Baptist. That was the beginning of his mission which would lead to the cross. It was a mission which began with the favor of the people.

 And Jesus returned in the power of the Spirit to Galilee, and a report about him went out through all the surrounding country. And he taught in their synagogues, being glorified by all.

 And he came to Nazareth, where he had been brought up. And as was his custom, he went to the synagogue on the Sabbath day, and he stood up to read. And the scroll of the prophet Isaiah was given to him. He unrolled the scroll and found the place where it was written,

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
    because he has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives
    and recovering of sight to the blind,
    to set at liberty those who are oppressed,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

And he rolled up the scroll and gave it back to the attendant and sat down. And the eyes of all in the synagogue were fixed on him. And he began to say to them, “Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.” And all spoke well of him and marveled at the gracious words that were coming from his mouth. Luke 4:14-22

And here we have what has always been a natural way of responding to Jesus as a teacher. Those things a teacher says which we agree with, we can accept and admire. However, whatever does not sit well with us, we are free to reject. It was just after this reading that Jesus came into conflict with the community he grew up in. He was proclaiming “good news” which they welcomed at first because it was pleasant to hear. Then, they began to ask themselves – Isn’t this Joseph’s son?  He isn’t anyone special. As they rejected and questioned Jesus’s right to proclaim this fulfillment of scripture, Jesus responded that no prophet is acceptable in his hometown. The people were so mad they were going to throw him off a cliff! How quickly opinion changes.

When exploring the life and claims of Jesus, the very first thing we need to determine is if he is a mere teacher or something more. Jesus would ask his disciples: “Who do people say that the Son of Man is?” And they said, “Some say John the Baptist, others say Elijah, and others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.” He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” Simon Peter replied, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” Matthew 16:13-16

Jesus was a teacher. He is a teacher. But if he is only a teacher, it is not enough to “proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” That kind of powerful change does not come through ideas on right living or how to treat one another. The change that Jesus was proclaiming was one that was coming in power and might of the Spirit of God. We are still left with the same choice as those in his hometown. We can question whether Jesus is worth following or believing, especially if he seems dull and familiar and ordinary from long years of familiarity. Or, we can get excited because he has come to proclaim liberty and favor to those who accept him as who HE claims to be…the claims we will look at together in the days ahead.

“I AM”

We frequently use the phrase “I am” to describe ourselves to someone we recently met. In a brief sentence we sum up something that is most important to us or to our identity. We may say, “I am Jake’s mother” or “I am Lizzy’s father”. Or “I am married” or “single”. We may say we are what we do for a living. “I am a sales rep”, “a teacher” or “an engineer”. Sometimes we say something more profound or essential about us. “I am a Christian”, “agnostic”, “an atheist”. “I am” is used to capture some essential part of who we are. It is no less true that when Jesus made several “I am” statements he was attempting to communicate something essential about who he was and his purpose as he saw it.

            Whatever we say about ourselves, whether we say we are Christians, Jews, atheists or hold some other belief, it is hard to dismiss the significance the life and death of Jesus has had worldwide  over the past 20 centuries. If we are to understand the person of Jesus Christ, the best place to begin is in his very own words regarding himself. In understanding his statements, his declarations of who he is, we must look not only with the eyes and ears of our personal understanding and frame of reference, but also in context of his culture and time.

            Jesus was a Jew, living in a Roman conquered and occupied Israel 2000 years ago. For the Jewish people, “I am” has a very significant meaning beyond the common use of the phrase. “I AM” is the name of Yahweh. It is the name God has given himself as passed down through Moses and recorded in the book of Exodus.

But Moses protested, “If I go to the people of Israel and tell them, ‘The God of your ancestors has sent me to you,’ they will ask me, ‘What is his name?’ Then what should I tell them?”

God replied to Moses, “I Am Who I Am. Say this to the people of Israel: I Am has sent me to you.” God also said to Moses, “Say this to the people of Israel: Yahweh, the God of your ancestors—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob—has sent me to you.

This is my eternal name,my name to remember for all generations. Exodus 3:13-15

            Jesus makes several analogies and statements of his character using the expression “I am” to create images that would convey some essential part of his identity. Some expressions are rather direct conveying his heart’s attitude.

“Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:29

While other teachings were so confusing that they literally drove his followers away. Jesus said that he is the bread of life. While elaborating on his statement he continued by saying:

“I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Anyone who eats this bread will live forever; and this bread, which I will offer so the world may live, is my flesh.”

Then the people began arguing with each other about what he meant. “How can this man give us his flesh to eat?” they asked. John 6:51-52

We now recognize this teaching as a foreshadowing of communion. However, at the time many disciples turned away and deserted him after these confusing statements. Some in the crowd of followers believed that he was talking about some kind of cannibalism – frightening and appalling to be sure! It is easy to dismiss their thinking as absurd since we have the benefit of hindsight.

Then Jesus turned to the Twelve and asked, “Are you also going to leave?”

Simon Peter replied, “Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life. We believe, and we know you are the Holy One of God.” John 6:67-69

The faith that the disciples show at this point in time is significant. It is a faith that says, “we believe, but we don’t understand”.  Or like the father asking Jesus to heal his deathly ill daughter: I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief! Sometimes our faith is tenuous. Our knowledge may get in the way of our belief. How can a handful of loaves and fishes feed thousands? How can a virgin have a child? “How” sometimes has the detrimental effect of preceding the “who”. These next posts are all about WHO Jesus is. When we begin to fully understand who he is, the rest can be contemplated in that light.

In the next few weeks, I want to explore who Jesus said he was using his own words – “Rabbi”, “bread of life”, “light of the world”, “the gate”, “the good shepherd”, “the resurrection and the life”, “the way, the truth and the life”, “the true vine”, “the King” and, ultimately, “I Am” the Lord.

I don’t claim to fully grasp these mysteries. I am only a fellow sojourner walking with my Jesus, desiring to know him better. I invite you to walk with me – to ask your questions, to seek, to trust. I hope that these chapters are a springboard into scripture. I pray that we each would be blessed with a deeper  understanding of who Jesus is.

The Seeds and the Sower

There is a parable about how each heart receives the gospel. Jesus gave the parable of the Seeds and the Sower which he then explained to his disciples. In reading it, Jesus describes different reactions people have to the Word of God. It begs the questions, “Which example are you?”

“Hear then the parable of the sower: When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is what was sown along the path.

As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy, yet he has no root in himself, but endures for a while, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away.

 As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful.

As for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it. He indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty.”
Matthew 13:18-23

In the parable of the sower, the first seed falls along the path, but never even makes it into the ground where it might grow. It is the person who has heard about Jesus, but just doesn’t GET IT. I remember this feeling of JUST NOT getting it! Here we have a glimpse of the spiritual dynamics of faith. Seeds of truth, seeds of scripture, seeds of testimony, seeds of faith being gobbled up before they can take root in the hearts of those who hear. The crows are the voices that accuse God, his word, or Christians, bringing doubt, fear or anger in the place of faith, hope and love. It is the inner voice that is overly critical, cynical, surly, and aggressive to things of Christ. It blinds people from “seeing” and understanding the gospel. Jesus reveals that there is an enemy who is actively working in the world to prevent our understanding.

Jesus continues, “As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy,yet he has no root in himself, but endures for a while, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away.” To me, this is a picture of a worldly faith which is desiring the gifts of God without God himself. It is the desire for the blessings without the sacrifice. The resurrection without the cross. It is the prosperity gospel. It is the faith that cherry picks all of the parts of the bible that tickles the ears, but is hostile to the true gospel centered on the cross. “For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.”

Then, in some cases, the gospel did the work of salvation, but having been saved there is not spiritual growth. This has been described as believers who essentially treat their faith as “fire insurance”. “I am saved from judgement by the grace of God, but because of grace I am free to live my life as though Jesus was not alive. I do my best to be a good person and just live my life.” They essentially live a decent life without the strength and power and love of Christ in their lives. The weeds and thorns of life crowd out the word of God. The stress of all of the daily demands overtakes the priority of the spiritual life. Work, school, groceries, laundry, bills and budgets, kids’ activities, cooking meals, health appointments, and ALL of the day to day needs that clamour for our attention can choke out the word of God. Life is busy. The truth is that we cannot grow in our faith and mature without giving some time to knowing God in his word. That means not only gathering together on Sunday morning, but regularly reading and meditating on the words of the bible. (I want to talk more about this later.)

Finally, the good soil. This is my prayer for my boys and my desire for all of those I love.  This “is the one who hears the word and understands it. He indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty.” It is the person who not only hears God’s word, but also understands it who bears fruit.  I want to understand God’s word. I want to trust it and have faith in it. I want to bring my questions to it and wrestle with it. I want to know God through reading his word. The bible is unique. It is one of the main ways that God has chosen to speak to us and to grow us. It is worth our time and effort to understand. God will use it to bless our efforts in preparing our hearts as good soil where we can grow and bear fruit.

The Holy Spirit has his part in bringing about faith and we have ours. If we desire to know the truth of who God is and his plan for us, we can begin by inviting the Holy Spirit to teach us AND then being open to the teaching of God. That means that if there is something we don’t immediately understand, not rejecting God’s word, but instead being humble and truthful. “Jesus, I want to know the truth, but I don’t understand. Holy Spirit, teach me.” And then bring your questions, search out your answers. Don’t be passive. Your faith is the most important thing about you. It has eternal ramifications. And now is the time to wrestle with God. You do not know what tomorrow will bring. So, if you believe in the gospel, do your best to live it knowing that there is grace for our failings. We are children of God. Loved immeasurably. The difficulty is in the cross. You must lose your life to gain it. It is a lifelong journey to understand the significance of that statement. It is a journey every Christian must take in way way or another.