Weird Easter

This Easter has been weird. Isolation from church and family is wearing on us all here. We miss people and being out and about! Personally, I am still struggling with recovering from back pain and cancer treatment which is making a difficult situation THAT much more difficult. This has been a hard Easter. While past Easters have revolved around rejoicing, and celebrating, and candy and kids running around on sugar highs (ok, that’s still happening); there is a heaviness to this Easter that just feels…different. So, let me dig into reading and reflecting on the resurrection and see what God reveals to me today. When things are tough, scripture is a great place to turn to. I am reading through the gospels, of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, from the time of the empty tomb to the ascension and final commission, with most of the reading in Luke and John.

Starting in Luke 24, the women who were mourning went to prepare Jesus’ body with spices and ointments as soon as they were able to after the Passover. They went and discovered the tomb was empty where angels appear to them asking the question “why are you looking for the living among the dead?” What a poignant question!

He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’”Then they remembered his words. When they came back from the tomb, they told all these things to the Eleven and to all the others.

Jesus’s death and resurrection has changed everything! There is something unique happening in Jesus’ death unlike the world has ever seen. Even his disciples would need time and help to grasp…to understand that this is the beginning of the “New Testament”.

Then Simon Peter came along behind him and went straight into the tomb. He saw the strips of linen lying there, as well as the cloth that had been wrapped around Jesus’ head. The cloth was still lying in its place, separate from the linen. Finally the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went inside. He saw and believed. (They still did not understand from Scripture that Jesus had to rise from the dead.) Then the disciples went back to where they were staying. John 20:6-10

It looks to me like there is hope, but not yet understanding. Sometimes I feel like that! I just don’t know how all of these things going on now are meant to play out. What it all means…what God is doing. I believe he has a plan and somehow these awful, scary, circumstances fit into it as much as the joyous happy times, but I don’t/can’t see the big picture. I am just not that smart or wise to see it unless God somehow reveals it to me. That’s were the trust and belief come in…believing and trusting in the goodness of God when not good things are happening around me. Not only that, but trusting that when I get to heaven, it will all have been worth it! All of the pains and heartaches will be wiped away and heaven will be a place of unspeakable joy and beauty unlike what the human mind can imagine. This time on earth IS NOT heaven. We just haven’t arrived yet.

Jesus continues to reveal himself more and more. He appears to Mary in John 20. At first, she doesn’t recognize him believing him to be a gardener until he says her name “Mary”. He gives her the message to share that he will soon be ascending to the Father. Similarly, he appears to two disciples on the road to Emmaus in Luke 24. He teaches them about how all that has happened has fulfilled scripture. They invited him to their home and broke bread with him. When he broke the bread and blessed it, it was like a veil uncovering their eyes! They recognized that it was Jesus with them! And he vanished from their sight!

What is happening? Why is he not recognized, then seen, then disappears again? I think the clue is in the n the upper room, the disciples are meeting discussing these very things when suddenly Jesus is in the room with them! And I think it has to do with doubt. It is a recurring theme from the time of the empty tomb all the way up to the ascension. And I don’t think Jesus is playing mind games popping in and out. I think we ourselves blind ourselves to Jesus and what he wants to do in our lives with our doubts. That’s what I want to think about today. So here he is in appearing out of the blue and listen to what he says from Luke 14: 36-49.

“Peace be with you.”

 They were startled and frightened, thinking they saw a ghost.  He said to them, “Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds?  Look at my hands and my feet. It is I myself! Touch me and see; a ghost does not have flesh and bones, as you see I have.”

When he had said this, he showed them his hands and feet.  And while they still did not believe it because of (Jesus’) joy and amazement, he asked them, “Do you have anything here to eat?”  They gave him a piece of broiled fish, and he took it and ate it in their presence.

 He said to them, “This is what I told you while I was still with you: Everything must be fulfilled that is written about me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets and the Psalms.”

Then he opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures. He told them, “This is what is written: The Messiah will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, and repentance for the forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem.  You are witnesses of these things.  I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high.” (This is reference to the disciples receiving the Holy Spirit at Pentecost).

The disciples who walked with Jesus, taught with him, lived with him, and now were grieving him so deeply…these men and women of faith doubted. They doubted even as Jesus was appearing to them. They thought he was a ghost. They still didn’t understand that he was alive! Alive with a new body, but living and even eating! Something entirely new was happening and it can’t be reasoned out and figured out all on their own. It takes Jesus himself supernaturally opening their minds and ours!

There are things in this world that can not be understood with reason alone. Some things need to be understood with revelation. Revelation is knowledge that comes from God. It is by mercy and undeserved grace that we receive revelation. If you are struggling with doubt, I recommend praying for help from God to give you revelation and faith to see, not just glimpses of Jesus winking in and out, but to really have eyes to “see” him.

Poor Thomas missed this whole exchange!

So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!”

But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”

A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”

Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”

 Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” John 20:24-29

That’s us. We probably aren’t going to be able to put our fingers into the wounds of Christ, but we can “Stop doubting and believe.” Sometimes we just need to make it a choice to live with the knowledge that there can be doubts and faith all mixed together. That for some of us, probably even most of us, we are not going to have the purity of complete conviction all of the time. Even among the disciples there was a range of faith and responses to Jesus. John seemed to have unusual faith, while Thomas was known as the doubter. I think he is given a hard time because he does have faith and believe. My point is that we all have different amounts of faith. That’s ok, it doesn’t have to disqualify us form a relationship with Jesus – when Jesus never did. He knows our hearts and loves us where we are and can increase our faith over time if we bring all of us to him and commit ourselves to him with what faith we do have.

Jesus continues to appear to the disciples and teach them up until the time of his ascension when he would return to his Father and assume his throne in Heaven alive in his new body!

 Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefor go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surly I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

There he is leaving us to carry on his plan. US! Can you believe it? The doubters and the weak and the prideful and sinners. Why? I think because in spite of all of our sins, we are his! And he is shaping us and molding us and teaching us to be something more than we would ever be on our own without him. WE are children of God and he is with us! We are living out the new covenant with him and it is beautiful in its mercy and grace.

So here I am today in a tough Easter. No matter what doubts I have in my cancer circumstances, or how messed up this pandemic is, I am confident that faith comes through prayer and the work of the Holy Spirit. It is ok when I struggle, I don’t have to fake it or pretend I have it all together. I just need to humbly ask God to increase my faith in times of need and he has been faithful to help me. When I pray and read scripture, I feel my Spirit being strengthened again. Having hope in his goodness – again. Being comforted – again. He is faithful.

What I would never want to do is to use my doubts, fears and anxieties as a means and reasoning to reject Christ. As Christians, we are given such grace in our wrestling with God, in asking questions, in crying out our fears, worries and anxieties. He is patient and kind with us, and I love that! So be encouraged wherever you are this Easter. You are not alone. And if you feel far from Jesus, I can think of no better time to pray and have a heart to heart with Jesus…asking for him to show himself to you and being vulnerable enough to believe even when there are questions, because sometimes belief comes before the answers.

So yeah, it’s a weird Easter. And that’s ok. When all is said and done: for today, “OK” is good enough because Jesus IS enough.